A MOTHER’S GUIDE TO RAISING CHILDREN WHO SERVE, LOVE, AND LEAD

Introduction: This Is Meant To Be Lived, Not Just Read

This is not written for passive reading.
This is written to be used.

If you are reading this, you are not here by accident. You are here because something inside you already knows there is a difference between what people say they believe and how they live.

This is about that difference.

It is about the difference between being Christian and being Christlike.
And more importantly—it is about how that difference shows up in your home, in your children, and in the way you move through the world.

I am not writing this as someone who has it all figured out.
I am writing this as a Mother who has lived it, practiced it, failed at it, corrected it, and continued forward anyway.

Because being Christlike is not perfection.

It is consistency.

Part One: The Difference That Changes Everything

Let’s begin with clarity.

A Christian is someone who believes in Jesus Christ.
A Christlike person is someone who lives like Him.

That distinction matters more than most people realize.

Because belief is easy.

Living it is not.

You can sit in a church every Sunday, say all the right words, and still go home and:

  • Speak harshly to your children
  • Ignore someone who needs help
  • Choose comfort over compassion
  • Defend your pride instead of practicing humility

That is not Christlike.

Christlike living shows up in the small, ordinary, daily moments:

  • When you are tired
  • When you are frustrated
  • When no one is watching
  • When no one is praising you

It is not about performance.
It is about pattern.

And children learn patterns—not speeches.

Part Two: I Was Not Taught To Babysit—I Was Taught To Tend

This is where everything changed for me.

As a child, I was not raised with the idea of “babysitting.”

I was taught to tend.

That one word shaped everything.

Babysitting says:

  • “Watch them.”
  • “Keep them safe.”
  • “Make sure nothing goes wrong.”

Tending says:

  • “Care for them.”
  • “Understand them.”
  • “Be present with them.”
  • “Help them grow.”

Babysitting is passive.
Tending is active.

Babysitting is supervision.
Tending is connection.

When you tend to someone, you:

  • Notice their needs without being told
  • Respond before things escalate
  • Offer comfort without being asked
  • Stay engaged instead of distracted

That is Christlike.

Because Christ didn’t “babysit” people.

He tended to them.

Part Three: The Tender Heart

I’ve always described myself as a Tender Heart.

Not because it sounds nice—but because it’s accurate.

People sometimes misunderstand softness.
They think it means weakness.

It doesn’t.

A tender heart is:

  • Strong enough to feel
  • Brave enough to care
  • Consistent enough to show up

If you need an image, think less “perfect and polished” and more like something familiar, something comforting—like the idea behind Care Bears.

Not childish.

Intentional.

They represent:

  • Emotional awareness
  • Expressing care openly
  • Meeting needs directly

That’s what a tender heart does.

It doesn’t wait for permission to care.

Part Four: Why This Matters in Raising Children

Children do not learn from what you tell them.

They learn from what you show them.

If you tell a child:

  • “Be kind” but respond with anger
  • “Help others” but ignore people in need
  • “Be honest” but avoid accountability

They will follow your behavior—not your words.

So I made a decision early on:

If I wanted my children to be Christlike,
then I needed to live Christlike—consistently.

Not perfectly.

But consistently.

Part Five: The Home As The First Classroom

Your home is not just where your children live.

It is where they learn:

  • How to treat people
  • How to respond to stress
  • How to handle conflict
  • How to give and receive love

You can’t outsource that.

Not to schools.
Not to church leaders.
Not to anyone else.

Those places can support what you teach.

But they cannot replace it.

In our home, the focus was never:

  • “Be the best”
  • “Be the smartest”
  • “Be the most successful”

The focus was:

  • “Be helpful”
  • “Be accountable”
  • “Be present”
  • “Be willing”

Because those traits build everything else.

Part Six: Service Was Not A Chore—It Was A Way Of Life

This is one of the biggest differences.

Many families treat service as something extra:

  • “We volunteer sometimes”
  • “We help when it’s convenient”
  • “We do good things occasionally”

That wasn’t our model.

In our home, service was daily.

It looked like:

  • Helping without being asked
  • Noticing what needed to be done
  • Taking responsibility for shared spaces
  • Supporting each other naturally

It was not:

  • Reward-based
  • Forced
  • Announced

It was expected.

Not in a harsh way—but in a normal way.

Just like:

  • You brush your teeth
  • You eat meals
  • You clean up after yourself

You also:

  • Help others
  • Contribute
  • Show up

That’s Christlike.

Part Seven: Accountability Without Shame

Here is something many people get wrong:

They think accountability means punishment.

It doesn’t.

Accountability means:

  • Owning your actions
  • Correcting your mistakes
  • Learning without fear

In our home:

  • Mistakes were addressed
  • Behavior was corrected
  • But identity was protected

I never taught my children:
“You are bad.”

I taught them:
“That choice wasn’t right. Let’s fix it.”

That difference matters.

Because shame shuts people down.

Accountability builds them up.

Part Eight: The Role of the Holy Ghost in Everyday Life

You cannot teach Christlike living without talking about guidance.

Not control.

Guidance.

The Holy Ghost works in quiet ways:

  • A thought to help someone
  • A feeling to pause before reacting
  • A sense of peace when making the right choice

Children recognize this naturally—if we don’t drown it out.

So instead of telling my children:
“Do this because I said so”

I would ask:
“What feels right?”
“What do you think you should do?”

I taught them to:

  • Listen inward
  • Trust that guidance
  • Act on it

That is how they learn to lead themselves.

Part Nine: Why This Is Rare

You said something important:

Being helpful is rare.

You’re right.

Not because people can’t be helpful.

But because they weren’t raised that way.

Most people are taught:

  • Independence over interdependence
  • Achievement over service
  • Comfort over contribution

So when someone grows up in a home where:

  • Service is normal
  • Helping is expected
  • Caring is consistent

They stand out.

Not because they are better.

But because they are different.

Part Ten: Letting People Be Themselves

One of the most Christlike things you can do is this:

Let people be who they are.

That doesn’t mean you agree with everything.

It means:

  • You don’t force
  • You don’t control
  • You don’t demand conformity

Christ invited.

He didn’t force.

So in my home:

  • My children were guided
  • They were corrected
  • But they were not controlled

They were allowed to:

  • Think
  • Feel
  • Choose

And with that freedom comes responsibility.

Part Eleven: What This Looks Like As They Grow

Here’s the result.

When children are raised this way, they don’t suddenly “learn” how to be helpful as adults.

They already are.

You’ll see it in:

  • How they treat strangers
  • How they respond in difficult moments
  • How they show up for others

They don’t need:

  • Reminders
  • Rewards
  • Recognition

Because it’s who they are.

Part Twelve: A Mother’s Reflection

I don’t take credit for everything.

I give credit where it belongs:

  • To God the Eternal Father
  • To the example of Jesus Christ
  • To the guidance of the Holy Ghost

But I also recognize my role.

I chose:

  • To tend instead of babysit
  • To show instead of just tell
  • To live it instead of just speak it

And yes—sometimes it was messy.

Sometimes it was frustrating.

Sometimes it felt like no one was noticing.

But consistency compounds.

And over time, it builds something real.

Part Thirteen: This Is Leadership

Leadership is not a title.

It is influence.

If you are a parent, you are a leader.

If you are raising children, you are shaping the future.

Not through:

  • Lectures
  • Rules
  • Control

But through:

  • Example
  • Presence
  • Consistency

That is Christlike leadership.

Part Fourteen: Bringing It Back To Christ

At the center of all of this is one truth:

Christ didn’t just teach.

He showed.

He lived:

  • Service
  • Love
  • Patience
  • Compassion

And if we are going to follow Him, we must do the same.

Not perfectly.

But intentionally.

Conclusion: This Is How It’s Done

If you want to raise Christlike children:

  • Tend to them—don’t just watch them
  • Show them—don’t just tell them
  • Serve with them—don’t just instruct them
  • Guide them—don’t control them
  • Love them consistently

And most importantly:

Live it yourself.

Because they are always watching.