Why Does This Help® Exists

Does This Help® begins with a question.

Not: Who is the bad kid?
Not: Who should we punish?
Not: Whose fault is this?

But:

Does this help?

Does what I am about to say help?

Does what I am about to do help?

Does the way I am treating another person help?

Does this rule help?

Does this consequence help someone learn?

Does this classroom help a child feel safe enough to speak?

Does this community notice a young person before that young person reaches a crisis?

Those questions matter to me because our children are growing up in a world where problems can become very serious, very quickly.

When a weapon reaches a school, when bullying becomes persistent, when a young person becomes overwhelmed with anger, when another child becomes frightened to attend school, or when police must become involved, we are already dealing with something much larger than an ordinary disagreement between children.

We absolutely need boundaries.

We need accountability.

We need school safety.

We need adults willing to intervene.

But I also want us to ask what happened before we reached that moment.

Before the Crisis

What if someone had noticed?

What if a child had somewhere safe to put the anger?

What if another child had been taught how to say:

“I need help.”

What if the child being bullied knew adults would listen?

What if the child doing the bullying encountered an adult who could say:

“Your feelings are real. Your behavior is your responsibility. Let’s find another way to handle this.”

Accountability and compassion can exist in the same room.

Protecting one child does not require abandoning another.

Understanding why somebody behaved badly does not mean excusing the behavior.

That is where I believe conscious discipline belongs.

Art Gives Us Another Language

Not every child can sit across a desk from an adult and explain exactly what is happening inside.

Sometimes there simply aren’t words yet.

So give them paper.

Give them color.

Give them beads, photographs, clay, music, symbols, scraps, paint, string, memories and imagination.

Let their hands speak for a while.

That is part of the purpose behind the creative work I have developed through Snapshot Charms.

Art does not replace professional mental-health treatment, school safety procedures, law enforcement, parents, teachers or counselors.

It does something different.

It opens a door.

A child might create something that begins a conversation.

A parent might notice something.

A teacher might finally understand what a student has been trying to communicate.

And sometimes the most important thing we can give another human being is an opportunity to be heard before everything becomes an emergency.

Conscious Discipline Begins With Consciousness

Before discipline comes consciousness.

What am I doing?

Why am I doing it?

Who will be affected by my choice?

What happens next if I continue?

Then comes responsibility.

Children need to learn that emotions and actions are not the same thing.

You can be furious without hurting somebody.

You can feel rejected without retaliating.

You can disagree without threatening.

You can be embarrassed without humiliating somebody else.

You can be afraid and still ask for help.

And when you make a harmful choice, accountability means recognizing what happened, repairing what can be repaired and learning how to choose differently next time.

That lesson does not belong only to children.

Adults need it too.

Families need it.

Schools need it.

Neighborhoods need it.

Communities need it.

The Youngest Mind Matters

Sometimes adults become so busy discussing policies, consequences, liability and procedure that we forget the young person standing in the middle of everything.

What does the youngest mind in the room understand?

What does that child see?

What has that child learned from watching us?

Children learn community by experiencing community.

They learn respect by being shown respect.

They learn accountability by watching adults accept accountability.

They learn conflict resolution by watching adults resolve conflict.

They learn courage when telling the truth results in someone listening.

And they learn whether asking for help actually helps.

Does This Help® Is a Community Question

I don’t want Does This Help® to be merely something printed on a website or a product.

I want it to become a habit.

Before posting:

Does this help?

Before yelling:

Does this help?

Before retaliating:

Does this help?

Before ignoring somebody:

Does this help?

Before disciplining a child:

Will this consequence teach the lesson the child actually needs to learn?

And when the answer is no, we have another question to ask:

What would help?

Maybe it is listening.

Maybe it is art.

Maybe it is a boundary.

Maybe it is an apology.

Maybe it is a counselor.

Maybe it is a parent.

Maybe it is a teacher.

Maybe it is professional treatment.

Maybe it is intervention from law enforcement because someone is in immediate danger.

Helping does not mean pretending every problem is small.

Helping means recognizing what kind of help the situation actually requires.

Before Something Happens

I don’t want our community’s first meaningful conversation with a struggling young person to happen after something terrible occurs.

I want the conversation beforehand.

At the kitchen table.

In an art room.

Walking home.

At school.

At church.

With a coach.

With a neighbor.

With a counselor.

With somebody willing to notice.

That is why I keep asking the question.

Does this help?

Because sometimes one question creates another choice.

One different choice creates another outcome.

One conversation creates another opportunity.

And one child who discovers that someone is listening may finally be able to say:

“Yes. This helps.”

Does This Help®
Conscious choices. Creative expression. Accountability. Community.

Snapshot Charms — #ArtistShimmer
Sometimes our hands can say what our words haven’t learned how to say yet.